Chad Loaf [Secretary of the Funky Hunks]
Chad Loaf was sewn by the seeds of Paula and Jacques Loaf (via faulty diaphragm) on an unseasonably warm Valentine’s Day at the Lower Swedshon Airport Sheraton. Jacques Loaf is a native of New Orleans who alighted to the midwest in the wake of a failed “Beignet Cafe” venture that left a handful of Armenian entrepeneurs with a taste for blood. He met Paula while she was working a churro stand at the Tri-State World Festival. They first locked lips over a steaming pile of sugar-fried bread.
Although legally named Jean-Luc (Creole), Paula and Jacques decided to call their happy accident “Chad” after the character Chad Remmington, a rough and tumble lawyer from the wild west radio serial, “Frontiertown.” At the age of seven, Chad was left to fend for himself for 2.5 hours in an antique dining car after Mr. and Mrs. Loaf left him behind at the Railway Museum. Chad’s patented style–headband, belt as ’sash’ and fingerless driving gloves–is in equal parts inspired by the Karate Kid, Cary Grant and the Girl Scouts of Lower Pittjun County. Chad’s mid-morning hobby is eating bean curd and his hands always smell like cajun seasoning. He is very much aware of Millie Miller’s penchant for sniffing his silky locks. At first he was somewhat disturbed by this behavior, but has grown to find it mildly arousing. Chad is mostly ambivalent towards his 8 year old, dyslexic sister Audrey, however he is intimidated by her ability to recite song lyrics backwards. Although he has never picked up an instrument, Chad is very talented at listening to music and dreams of becoming a jazz musician. Chad pretends to like sports to seem like more of a guy. Also, he whittles soap.
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previously: Featured Bio – Lance MaGirk
