Dear Diary,

Today was the worst day of my life.

It started out ok. I met the dudettes at the Burger Lord as usual and I had a sneaking suspicion that Lance was going to be there with his coonskin cap sitting atop his pea-size mega-sexy head. Earlier that day I put Brenda, my Hamster, on my head and made him pretend to be Lance’s coonskin cap.

Anyway, when I got to the Burger Lord I ordered a double Hamhock with Lord cheese as usual. Bucktight was in the back corner wearing skin colored spandex teaching the Funky Hunks some of the newest dance moves. I spotted Lance out of the corner of my eye waving his legs back and forth like an athletic otter.

I swung my hips back and forth to draw attention to both my butts (front and back) and I sat down at the hot dog shaped table with the girls. I sensually wiped mayo all over the bun trying to seem sensual and casual. I was even wearing my sequined baby-tee that says “Teen Wiz” on it for special effects. I coughed loudly. The girls were talking about Doreen and how she went to New York City and has the I [heart] NY mug to prove it. I was thinking of some rumors–Corla Metard rubbing mayo on her torso in earth science trying to make soil etc.

Just then, all the funky hunks headed towards us. I knew it was my moment to rope Lance in and get him to ask me to the Holiday Hop. I took a mouth-size bite of Hamhock to try to prove that my bark was bigger than my bite.

And just as Lance sat down next to me… the sound of a foghorn came out… of my backbutt.

“EEEEEEW” I screamed as I covered my face with my shirt. “The Burger Lord just farted!”

It was the only excuse I could think of. I tried to act casual as I took another hefty swig of Hamhock. But it was too late. Everyone had heard it and knew it was me. I threw my Hamhock down and ran out.

The tears are streaming like a stream from my eyes. Life will never be the same.

Now I have have to pretend I’m sick so I don’t have to go to school tomorrow.

Life sux.

Donna xoxo

previously: Donna McDonald’s Diary Entry #2

previously: Donna’s New Diary

previously: Donna McDonald’s Guide to Gossip

previously: Featured Bio – Donna McDonald