Dear Journal,

Today I wonder, “What gives?” Things have been spiraling out of control ever since Deb got her period and started calling herself Doreen. Now she’s avoiding me like “the plague,” and it really stinks in my book! Apparently, she’s become BFF with Jennifer Chicken and the Dudettes, and she doesn’t even need me anymore!!! Well, I’ve got news for her: It was me, NOT the Dudettes, who shared my bologna sandwhich with her on the first day of Kindergarten after she threw her own lunch out the window. It was me, NOT the Dudettes, who taught her how to tie her shoes (in 4th grade!!!). I was the one who brought her gelatto in bed when she dislocated her tailbone, and I was the one who French kissed her over a steaming platter of shrimp scampi!!! (Just to see what it was like. I’m not a lesbian. She whined about wanting to French someone for like a month so finally I friggin’ Frenched her just to shut her up!).

Deb really needs to grow up, because she can be so totally immature at times! Everyone thinks being popular is so great, but guess what? Being popular won’t come to your conga jam sessions when nobody else will, and being popular won’t make a fort with you in the woods. Popularity also wont make you an oil painting of the Empire State Building for your birthday, and popularity won’t trek through a thunderstorm with a box full of nougat to cheer you up about being called “Deb Dorkster” (knowing full well that I detest both thunderstorms AND nougat!!!).

And another thing – “Doreen” is totally not that great of a fashion-model name. “Spiffany,” (the name I suggested) is way better, but of course Deb wouldn’t listen to me. Then she told me I should stop having a “calorie fest.” (We were eating French bread pizza in the family room at my house – she was eating it, too!)

Well, I’ve got a secret – a.k.a., something that nobody knows about me. I’ll show everyone a thing or two! Everyone’s going to see the “real me” at the Holiday Hop! Like it or not, there’s a new Blue Robin in town. This time, I’m going to have the “last laugh.” I have a twinkle in my lively eyes right now, just thinking about it. I also have a tingle in my spine and a gleam in my eye. ‘Til next time….

Sincerely,
“Blue” Robin Tobin

previously: Deb Webster’s Creative Writing Homework: “Flowetry”