Dear Diary,
You are my new diary. I like you because you have a picture of a cat with a party hat on the cover in my favorite colors- aquamarine and beige. I also like you because your spiral binding (I love spirals!) is white instead of silver. You have lines that help me write straight because if i don’t have lines i write on a diagonal because my eyes are slanted on a diagonal. My mom (annoying) says my eyes are diagonal because she squeezed my face when i was a baby and my skin never went back to normal.
I got a diary because I think it will be really good for my personal records to know which rumors i start. That way when i grow up and have kids i will first get their ears pierced and put triangle dangly earrings with spangles in (they will all be girls) and then i will tell them all about all the rumors i started. They will be named Stacy and Tessa- those are the names of ALL my dolls even though dolls are REALLY immature.
Today at school I saw Mickey Rubberneck craning her neck. She’s the biggest busy body in Pittjun County so I knew something must be happening. I followed the direction of her neck to find Buck Tight Jimmy spinning Jennifer Chicken over his head and flinging her towards the locker. We all know he has the hots for her (who doesn’t? Her last name is Chicken afterall…) but what was most important was that not only was she not wearing panties, she DEFINITELY had at LEAST 3 pubes. not the little ones that grow on your legs and arms. REAL PUBES. CURLY and BLACK and MATURE. I was so jealous that even though she’s my best friend I had to start a rumor. I decided to start a rumor about Casey Scallop. I mentioned to Millie that Casey Scallop not only has escarole shaped training bras, but that she cuts off clumps of her wavy brown bangs, curls them with a curling iron (Conair Lady in Heat) and scotch tapes them to her vaj (that’s slang for vagina). I even said that she pulled her pants down in the tennis courts to show Bobby Flaygen. Anyhoo, we’ll see where this rumor goes.
Love,
Donna
previously by Donna: Donna McDonald’s Gide to Gossip
previously: Featured Bio – Donna McDonald
